Let Go and Let God...

If you are reading this blog, then you probably already know that I like to be in control.  Not necessarily in a demeaning way, but I like to know plans, take control of them, and know that I can change them.  This is how I have been all of my life, so it doesn't surprise me at all.  There have been many times in my life where I have not been able to control the situation, but none of them have really impacted me too much. Until now.  The fact that I do not have control over our situation is really hard for me to accept.  

I never really thought of getting pregnant as a "control" thing, until I was so absorbed in our pregnancy results and the fact that they were negative that I broke down.  As tears filled my eyes, I told my mom how sad I was that it was negative. How angry I was that God wasn't working with us.  How I had such hopes for this month, yet it was pointless to believe it would happen.  As my mom sat and listened (she has gotten really good at that), she talked to me about giving it to God; letting go of being in control, since honestly, we aren't in control anyway.  I told her that I wanted to, but I just couldn't.  It seemed too hard to do.  My faith has been tested throughout my life, but I was always close to God.  She continued to listen and shared thoughts with me, and although I may not have wanted to listen, I knew she was right. She talked about how I would feel less weight on my shoulders and then maybe it wouldn't consume my every thought.  After talking with her about how I was feeling, my struggles, and what not all, we listened to a song called "Changed" by Rascal Flatts. The lyrics to the song are so fitting and they helped reassure me that I just need to Let Go and Let God.  This doesn't mean that it will be easy, or that things will always be positive, but it does mean that I am no longer taking control of it and I am letting HIM take control... even though He had control all along and I was the silly one thinking I had control... 

As you listen to this song, try and listen to the lyrics because they are pretty powerful! Alright God, this plan is Your plan and I am ready to see what happens... Until then, God bless!

I came up out of the water
Raise my hands up to the Father
Gave it all to Him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was goin'
It didn’t matter where I been
I’m not the same man I was then.

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place where souls get lost
Lines get crossed
And the pain won’t go away
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am
Changed

I got a lot of “hey I’m sorry's”
The things I’ve done, man that was not me
I wish that I could take it all back
I just want to tell 'em that
Tell 'em that

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place where souls get lost
Lines get crossed
And the pain won’t go away
I hit my knees, now here I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am

I’ve changed for the better
More smiles, less bitter
I even started to forgive myself

I hit my knees, I’m here, I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am, here I am
I'm changed
Yes, I am
I’m changed for the better

Thank God, I'm changed.