Breaking it Down...

The poem, What God Meant, is something that has really opened my heart and helped me find peace within our current situation.  Every morning, before I get out of bed, I read my daily devotion and this poem.  These two things help me start my day out on the right track and they fill my heart with hope and joy.  As I read the poem, I see so many deep meanings that I want to dive into more and write about.  I figured I would break it down so I can write about why I LOVE this poem and why I truly believe God has a plan for us.

I think He meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper.

I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down.

Before we miscarried, my husband, Cory, and I had a strong relationship.  We were good at communicating with each other, we had fun, and we had a love that was so powerful and filled me with such joy.  I didn't think our relationship could get any stronger, and I didn't think I could love him anymore, but that all changed the day we lost our babies.  When I heard the words, "I'm sorry, but your baby will not make it and your body is going to miscarry," my heart sunk.  I clung to Cory with my everything because I didn't know what else to do.  I cried. We cried. We got mad at God. We questioned everything. We held onto each other.  At this moment, I knew that it was going to be okay because I was going through this journey with my best friend, partner, and sidekick.  I know it is cliche to say it, but truly, I clung to the hope of Cory's words, "God has a plan for us and He just wants our baby to watch over us from heaven." Hearing these words from Cory, amongst the tears from both of us, made me realize that it will be okay because I am not alone in this journey.  This journey has truly brought us closer together because it has helped open our eyes to the little things in life and it has made us even better communicators, Christians, and partners.  Despite all difficulties, we have become a better team and better partners to each other, which ultimately, will only makes us better parents.

Every month that I get a negative test, my heart sinks a little bit more and my eyes well with tears.  When I tell Cory "It was negative," we both feel defeated.  Although I express it more outwardly, I know it hurts Cory, too.  However, he is always there with something positive to say and he strengthens my love for him even more and he helps me see the good in a crappy situation.  Even though we have been knocked down several times, we can never stay knocked down because we have each other to help us get back up; this is one of the best parts.  

Although infertility has been a huge part of our life, it is NOT our life.  We have two precious angel babies in heaven, watching over us, and helping us through our tough days.  We have a Father in heaven who has a plan for us and is just waiting for the plan to unfold. We have incredible parents who help us see the good in this world and who are there to listen to us whenever we need them. We have amazing friends who only want the best for us and will help us in any way possible to achieve our dreams.  BUT, the most important thing, is we have EACH OTHER, despite infertility and its obstacles. We are so BLESSED to have each other.

Until next time... God bless!