The Journey of Baby J!: God's Little Blessing

Warning: BFP is mentioned in this blog post, so if this is hard to read, please do not hesitate to move along. I have been here before and I know exactly what it feels like.

(This was written awhile ago, but I finally have the courage to post it... I feel like by posting it, I am going to jinx myself, but my readers deserve to know what is going on)

Holy batman I am pregnant! I can't believe it because I didn't think I would ever get to this point. This cycle started kind of goofy for me. I thought I would ovulate on my own because at my appointment, Dr. T. said I was going to that night, so TI was a must, but then I never got a positive on my OPK. Therefore, on Thursday the 11th, Dr. T had me come back in to check everything. He said it is possible that I was ovulating right then, so he gave me the trigger shot and told me to "get making babies!"

The entire month of July I was hopeful for a couple of reasons. Two years ago in July we got pregnant, but we miscarried, Taylor. In addition, our second angel baby, Casey, was due on the 16th of July. For these two reasons, I just prayed it would work. I don't know why, but I never let myself get down or depressed this month because after my meditations through the poem, What God Meant, I had a different perspective on our difficult journey.

On the 20th, I started having lower back pain, but I chalked it up to sleeping on it wrong and didn't think too much into it. On the 21st, I began to have major cramps, which I thought meant aunt Flo was coming. Of course I went on Google and many things said it could be implantation. Could it be? Well, on the 23rd, I took my first home pregnancy test and the double line was so faint that I had to squint to see it. Regardless, it was positive! I called the clinic and they had me come in for a blood draw. My hCG was only 12.5, meaning I had just gotten pregnant. I went in two days later, the 25th, and it was 25, so it doubled, like it needed to do. Then, I had to wait until the 31st to see if it was rising, which it was, and it was 175. The number was still low, since most people don't even know they are pregnant at this time, so I went in on the 2nd and it was 488, so it more than doubled. I had my final beta draw on the 7th and it was 3,171. When I talk to the nurses, they always tell me "Congratulations," but yet it is hard to believe it!

One thing that is tough is that regardless of the fact that I am pregnant, part of me is always looking for something to go wrong. When I go to the bathroom, I check for blood. When I eat, I pray I'll burp it up. When I touch my boobs (may be TMI for some), I pray they are sore. My previous miscarriages have completely robbed me of being able to truly enjoy this experience without being scared. They have taken over my every thought and I hate it. Regardless of the fact that these thoughts are in the back of my mind, I have hope for this pregnancy. I believe God has a special plan for our little jelly bean and I am really trying to stay positive.

I have been doing devotions for quite some time and these have really helped ease my mind. One thing I find ironic is on the day I found out I was pregnant, my devotion verse was Psalm 30:2 "O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you ave healed me!" On my second blood draw, my devotion verse was 1 Peter 5:10 "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, conform, strengthen, and establish you!" Oh, and on the day I ovulated, it was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I feel like these are little signs for God saying it will be okay!

If you are reading this and I know you in real-life, please do not share this with anyone; thank you for respecting this! As of today I am 7 weeks 3 days pregnant and our estimated due date is April 4th, 2014!

If you are still reading this, thank you. Thank you for your support and love throughout everything. I pray that God allows us to continue with this pregnancy and brings our little jelly bean home with us! God bless all of you and I will continue to pray for you and your dreams.

Baby's first picture: