I don't even know what to write about, but I have an uneasy feeling inside and I just need to get it out of me. I am in my two week wait (TWW), which basically means I am counting down the days until I can finally see if I am pregnant. The thought of this absolutely kills me inside. I anxiously check the calendar over and over to see if I can check. I constantly recalculate my cycle to see if I can POAS to see if I am pregnant. Honestly, it controls my every thought and motion. It was somewhat like this before, but this time, it is intensified to the extreme. I think it is intensified because we are actually trying this month, with medication, u/s checks, progesterone and what not. I so desperately want it to work because I so desperately want to be a mom to a baby on this earth. I long for my babies in heaven and I long for the babies yet to be born into my arms. What if I don't get those two pink lines that show we are pregnant? What if my body hates me and wants me to keep going through hell? I try not to be so negative, since it just eats at me, but today is one of those days where I am just down and that is how it is. However, tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to have a different perspective on our situation...
Until then... God bless!
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