I had a completely different post ready to submit, but then last night, my perspective changed. I had been freaking out over the nursery, the bedding, and everything else relating to the nursery. I had the perfect bedding picked out (Sweet JoJo Designs Bumblebee Designs) to incorporate my grandpa and my mom into the nursery and I was super excited about it. We ordered it before Thanksgiving and it took a really long time for it to arrive. However, once it arrived and I saw it, I was super bummed. The yellow around the quilt looked mint green and so did a few of the bumpers. How could this be? I called the company and they assured me it was the right set. They asked me if I wanted to return it... I did plan on returning it, so I set out to look for another bumblebee set, but that turned out to be impossible. Who knew finding a bumblebee crib set could be so difficult?!
After a mini panic attack about not finding anything as meaningful or cute as our original set, I went on Facebook. At that moment, I saw a former coworker's post about the birth of her sweet baby boy, Phineas. You see, this coworker has struggled with infertility for three years, gave birth to twins at 24 weeks who passed away, and has been through hell and back several times. After I saw her baby, it hit me that it didn't matter if the nursery was perfect, or if the yellow was the exact color I dreamed of... what matters is that come April (maybe even earlier) is that I can hold our precious baby in our arms. What matters is that I can kiss those chubby cheeks, cuddle his/her sweet body, and love him/her more than I ever imagined.
After this wave of reality hit me, I laid down on the couch and listened to our sweet baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Listening to the heartbeat was all I needed to remind me of the precious gift inside of me and it reminded me that none of the material stuff matters. As I went into the nursery to look at the crib bedding, all of a sudden it looked yellow. Yellow like I had pictured. Yellow like it was supposed to look. I brought the crib stuff into other parts of our house and it still looked yellow. I'm not sure what happened, but I think God had a special plan in this. I think He needed me to remember what's important and to let go of the materialistic things because in the end, none of the really matters.
On a completely different note, I am 25 weeks today and I have my 25 week ultrasound/glucose test tomorrow morning. Thank you for the continued prayers and for being such great friends. God bless all of you!
Until next time... God bless!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Baby J Update
Good afternoon, friends! Thank you for your sweet messages, e-mails, and texts regarding our dear little one. I don't know if I have ever been so worried over something before in my life. The thought of something being wrong with our baby was disheartening and made me throw up several times. Thankfully, I only had to wait 48 hours until I saw the MFM doctor, because honestly, there is no way I could have waited until January when he was visiting next.
Anyway, as far as we know, everything is fine with Baby J! At the appointment yesterday, the doctor had limited views of the heart because the baby wouldn't cooperate, which doesn't surprise me because I am quite stubborn, so why wouldn't our baby be stubborn? She did see the outflow tracts and has no concerns about those, or my fluid levels, at this time! She isn't sure why the other doctor said my fluid levels were high on Monday, because they were completely normal, so I had all of that worrying for nothing. I meet with this specialist again in 6 weeks and hopefully things continue to go well! Thank you so much for your continued prayers for our baby!
I can't thank God enough for performing miracles and for our dear friends and family who never stopped praying or thinking positive thoughts. I will say that I had a hard time staying positive, but this only further proved why I need to keep praying and staying positive. One thing this scare taught me is that nothing is ever given to us and we need to keep praying for what we want. Sometimes, I think I get too comfortable with how things are going and I forget to thank God for what we have and for what we want. Although I feel awful saying that, it is the truth, but it is something I am going to consciously work for.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God bless all of you!
Katie
Anyway, as far as we know, everything is fine with Baby J! At the appointment yesterday, the doctor had limited views of the heart because the baby wouldn't cooperate, which doesn't surprise me because I am quite stubborn, so why wouldn't our baby be stubborn? She did see the outflow tracts and has no concerns about those, or my fluid levels, at this time! She isn't sure why the other doctor said my fluid levels were high on Monday, because they were completely normal, so I had all of that worrying for nothing. I meet with this specialist again in 6 weeks and hopefully things continue to go well! Thank you so much for your continued prayers for our baby!
I can't thank God enough for performing miracles and for our dear friends and family who never stopped praying or thinking positive thoughts. I will say that I had a hard time staying positive, but this only further proved why I need to keep praying and staying positive. One thing this scare taught me is that nothing is ever given to us and we need to keep praying for what we want. Sometimes, I think I get too comfortable with how things are going and I forget to thank God for what we have and for what we want. Although I feel awful saying that, it is the truth, but it is something I am going to consciously work for.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and God bless all of you!
Katie
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Prayers and Guidance, Please...
Good morning, friends! I hope this message finds you well and in good spirits. I wish I could say the same, but honestly, I am a nervous wreck right now. We had our ultrasound recheck yesterday, to make sure
everything was fine from the first ultrasound, but the tech found some
concerns.
First, she was not able to detect the outflow tracts from the
heart. This could be because the baby was active or because there is
an abnormality, which could mean heart surgery, heart defects, etc.
Second, my doctor said I had quite a bit of extra amniotic fluid, which
could be normal, or could be a sign of downs syndrome, genetic
abnormality, blood incompatibility, etc. Both of these concerns could be
nothing, so that is what we are praying for... praying that God gives us
a healthy baby who we have longed for, prayed for, cried for, and hoped for. We know God can work miracles and He has a plan, but honestly, I am scared. Why does this have to happen to us? I realize
it could be nothing, but why, after everything we've been through, do
we have to experience this? I know this sounds conceited and snotty, but we
deserve a healthy baby and a stress-free pregnancy. I know so many others who have been through similar journeys and their journey has been tried and tested, too. I don't know where else I am going with this...
Obviously
we are extremely nervous and scared, so they set us up with a Maternal
Fetal Specialist on Wednesday morning at 9:00. At this appointment, we
will meet with the physician, go through an extensive ultrasound, and
pray for positive results. It has been a long journey to get to this
point, and we know God is in control and has a plan for us, but we are
still very scared. If you wouldn't mind, please keep us in your
thoughts and prayers and we will definitely keep you updated once we
know more. Since I'm pretty new to the blogging community, I don't have too many readers, but if you know someone who has been in this similar situation or has any advice, would you please direct them here? Thank you for always being there and for you unending support and encouragement, I greatly appreciate it.
Until next time... God bless!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
21 Weeks
Hey, friends! Since My due date was moved ahead, I am officially 21 weeks today! It still doesn't feel real, but I wonder if it ever will?
How Far Along: 21 Weeks!
Size of Baby: A Carrot (According to babycenter, Baby J is 10 1/2 inches and 12 ounces, but at our 20 week appointment, Baby J was 11 inches long and 12 ounces)
Sleep: This has been so challenging this week. I don't mind getting up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom, but I can not get comfortable for the life of me. Lately I've been waking up with a sore neck and lower back. Any suggestions on how to improve my sleep? I did get my brother's used body pillow, but I think it is too flat to make any difference. I'm thankful for this opportunity, but it is getting a little challenging at night.
Best Moment of the Week: I finally figured out how I want to do our nursery! I'm not going to share the picture, but I will give a little background as to how I came up with it. While growing up, my grandpa always use to tickle us with his pointer finger and he called it the bumblebee. Throughout my pregnancy, my grandpa has referred to our baby as the little bumblebee and he always wants to know how the bumblebee is doing. Well, on Saturday night, we got a call that my grandpa is slowly losing his fight to cancer. As my mom and I were shopping for fabric on Sunday to get ideas for the nursery, all of a sudden, I felt God talking to me and I knew I wanted to do a bee theme.I still have to figure some things out, but overall, I am SO excited, especially because it is unique and extremely meaningful to me.
Miss Anything: Sleep, but I won't complain :)
Movement: I found out that I have an anterior placenta, so it is going to take me a lot longer to feel Baby J... bummer!
Food Cravings/Aversions: Cravings- I cannot get enough of mashed potatoes, specifically, Applebee's mashed potatoes. I always liked potatoes, but this is to a whole new level! Aversions- I'm not a big fan of meat, so that is somewhat problematic right now.
Unusual Symptoms: Nothing that I can really think of as far as symptoms go, but I did have something unusual happen. When we were at a wedding, many of my friends kept rubbing my stomach and talking to the baby. It was really sweet, but it caught me off guard because I'm not showing that much. However, they said they wanted the baby to know they were there, since he/she can hear now.
Anything Making you Queasy or Sick: Besides the usual (garbage and brushing my teeth), I had a run-in with my cat's treats. I was giving her the treats yesterday, and when I went to open up the container, the smell made me gag, which made me throw up on the kitchen floor and in the sink. Thankfully it was just my morning pills and water, but still, it was disgusting!
Gender: We will find out on April 1st :) However, I think it is a boy!
Labor Signs: I sure hope not!
Looking Forward To: I am going to visit my grandpa this weekend so we can take a certain picture I want for the nursery because I don't think he will make it to meet our baby :( I am excited to see my other grandparents as well since they all live in the same town!
Countdown: 133 Days!
Have a great week, friends!
Until next time, God bless!
How Far Along: 21 Weeks!
Size of Baby: A Carrot (According to babycenter, Baby J is 10 1/2 inches and 12 ounces, but at our 20 week appointment, Baby J was 11 inches long and 12 ounces)
Sleep: This has been so challenging this week. I don't mind getting up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom, but I can not get comfortable for the life of me. Lately I've been waking up with a sore neck and lower back. Any suggestions on how to improve my sleep? I did get my brother's used body pillow, but I think it is too flat to make any difference. I'm thankful for this opportunity, but it is getting a little challenging at night.
Best Moment of the Week: I finally figured out how I want to do our nursery! I'm not going to share the picture, but I will give a little background as to how I came up with it. While growing up, my grandpa always use to tickle us with his pointer finger and he called it the bumblebee. Throughout my pregnancy, my grandpa has referred to our baby as the little bumblebee and he always wants to know how the bumblebee is doing. Well, on Saturday night, we got a call that my grandpa is slowly losing his fight to cancer. As my mom and I were shopping for fabric on Sunday to get ideas for the nursery, all of a sudden, I felt God talking to me and I knew I wanted to do a bee theme.I still have to figure some things out, but overall, I am SO excited, especially because it is unique and extremely meaningful to me.
Miss Anything: Sleep, but I won't complain :)
Movement: I found out that I have an anterior placenta, so it is going to take me a lot longer to feel Baby J... bummer!
Food Cravings/Aversions: Cravings- I cannot get enough of mashed potatoes, specifically, Applebee's mashed potatoes. I always liked potatoes, but this is to a whole new level! Aversions- I'm not a big fan of meat, so that is somewhat problematic right now.
Unusual Symptoms: Nothing that I can really think of as far as symptoms go, but I did have something unusual happen. When we were at a wedding, many of my friends kept rubbing my stomach and talking to the baby. It was really sweet, but it caught me off guard because I'm not showing that much. However, they said they wanted the baby to know they were there, since he/she can hear now.
Anything Making you Queasy or Sick: Besides the usual (garbage and brushing my teeth), I had a run-in with my cat's treats. I was giving her the treats yesterday, and when I went to open up the container, the smell made me gag, which made me throw up on the kitchen floor and in the sink. Thankfully it was just my morning pills and water, but still, it was disgusting!
Gender: We will find out on April 1st :) However, I think it is a boy!
Labor Signs: I sure hope not!
Looking Forward To: I am going to visit my grandpa this weekend so we can take a certain picture I want for the nursery because I don't think he will make it to meet our baby :( I am excited to see my other grandparents as well since they all live in the same town!
Countdown: 133 Days!
Have a great week, friends!
Until next time, God bless!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
20 Weeks and Ultrasound
The entire time the US tech was doing her thing, I guess I kept saying, "is this real life?" I still find it really hard to believe God has given us this gift and I have had 20 precious weeks with our baby. I still feel like something bad is going to happen, due to our past, but I am trying to embrace each day because I know God already has the plan mapped out for us and I just need to trust Him. Honestly, I never thought I would get to this point in any pregnancy, so the fact that we are here just blows my mind. I know my fertile friends have a hard time understanding this, but it is true. One of my good friends is also pregnant, after trying for 3 years and eventually doing IVF, which worked, thankfully, and both of us always say how fortunate we feel to be in this place. However, it doesn't take the heartache I feel for so many of my friends who are experiencing loss in their own way. I just wish we could see in the crystal ball so I could see the plan God has for them and I wish I could take away some of the hurt. I know there is a reason we can't see the future, but please know that I am always here for you!
I thing what has been really interesting for me is the reaction from my students and all of their inquisitions. I find it really sweet to see how they are so curious about my pregnancy and they always want to know how big the baby is and what is happening with him/her. I guess I figured they would be excited, but I had no idea how excited they would be. When they heard my due date got pushed up and the baby was now a banana, they started going crazy!
Well, I need to get focused on correcting papers, but thank you for your continued prayers and for always listening. I am blessed to call you, friends!
Until next time... God bless!
Monday, November 11, 2013
What they don't understand...
This post is probably going to be all over the place, but it is something that has been on my mind, so I just need to get it down in writing, regardless if it makes sense.
When we started trying to conceive, I knew a little bit about infertility, but I wouldn't call myself an expert by any means. I knew there were other ways to conceive a child, or become a parent, but I had no idea about all of the different ways. Since I didn't know much about it, it is safe to assume that others didn't know about it, either; however, I guess I still assumed people knew there were others ways to have a child.
After our first miscarriage, I began looking at options for us and the first thing I looked at was surrogacy. I just assumed I was the problem and my body wasn't meant to carry a child, so surrogacy seemed like a good option. After looking at surrogacy, I was stunned... it was SO expensive! My husband's cousin confronted me and told me she would be willing to be our surrogate because she, too, struggled with infertility. She had already done IVF and had her two precious babies, so she felt called to help. I will admit that at first, I was shocked... why would anyone want to help us like this. Second, would it be weird to have someone I know carry our child?
Those thoughts continued to cross my mind, and after our second miscarriage, I felt like it would be our only option. Nevertheless, I went to a different clinic, found out I needed to be put on progesterone and a few other things, and the rest is history.
This leads me to a thought that has been bugging me... why don't more people know about other ways to conceive a child (donor eggs, donor sperm, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, etc)? I was talking to my brother about all of these things and he made the comment "Maybe God doesn't want us to intervene and this is a sign..." I was shocked. I know my brother didn't mean anything in a mean way because he has been my number one supporter from the beginning, but I think he is just uneducated as to the possibilities which lie ahead of a person trying to conceive. How many others are clueless? How many others believe we are intervening with God and don't quite understand what we are doing?
These questions made me want to shout to the world that although people don't conceive a child the "typical" way, it doesn't mean they aren't deserving of a child or are intervening with God. I'm sure this post is all over the place, but I think it is important we educate others on infertility, the struggle, and the pain that comes with it. If they have a little more knowledge about infertility and the different wants to become a parent, maybe they, too, will educate others and we will have a much more educated world. I know I don't even know a tenth of the different ways, but that's why I think educating people on this topic is important.
If you are still with me, thanks! I know most of the blogging world "gets it," since we are all in the same boat, but I think we need to start talking to others. I'm not saying you have to or this is the only way we will get the word out, but I do think it is important for others to hear our voices!
On another note, we have our BIG ultrasound tomorrow, so please pray that everything turns out okay and our baby is healthy and right on track.
Until next time, God bless!
When we started trying to conceive, I knew a little bit about infertility, but I wouldn't call myself an expert by any means. I knew there were other ways to conceive a child, or become a parent, but I had no idea about all of the different ways. Since I didn't know much about it, it is safe to assume that others didn't know about it, either; however, I guess I still assumed people knew there were others ways to have a child.
After our first miscarriage, I began looking at options for us and the first thing I looked at was surrogacy. I just assumed I was the problem and my body wasn't meant to carry a child, so surrogacy seemed like a good option. After looking at surrogacy, I was stunned... it was SO expensive! My husband's cousin confronted me and told me she would be willing to be our surrogate because she, too, struggled with infertility. She had already done IVF and had her two precious babies, so she felt called to help. I will admit that at first, I was shocked... why would anyone want to help us like this. Second, would it be weird to have someone I know carry our child?
Those thoughts continued to cross my mind, and after our second miscarriage, I felt like it would be our only option. Nevertheless, I went to a different clinic, found out I needed to be put on progesterone and a few other things, and the rest is history.
This leads me to a thought that has been bugging me... why don't more people know about other ways to conceive a child (donor eggs, donor sperm, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, etc)? I was talking to my brother about all of these things and he made the comment "Maybe God doesn't want us to intervene and this is a sign..." I was shocked. I know my brother didn't mean anything in a mean way because he has been my number one supporter from the beginning, but I think he is just uneducated as to the possibilities which lie ahead of a person trying to conceive. How many others are clueless? How many others believe we are intervening with God and don't quite understand what we are doing?
These questions made me want to shout to the world that although people don't conceive a child the "typical" way, it doesn't mean they aren't deserving of a child or are intervening with God. I'm sure this post is all over the place, but I think it is important we educate others on infertility, the struggle, and the pain that comes with it. If they have a little more knowledge about infertility and the different wants to become a parent, maybe they, too, will educate others and we will have a much more educated world. I know I don't even know a tenth of the different ways, but that's why I think educating people on this topic is important.
If you are still with me, thanks! I know most of the blogging world "gets it," since we are all in the same boat, but I think we need to start talking to others. I'm not saying you have to or this is the only way we will get the word out, but I do think it is important for others to hear our voices!
On another note, we have our BIG ultrasound tomorrow, so please pray that everything turns out okay and our baby is healthy and right on track.
Until next time, God bless!
Friday, November 8, 2013
18 Weeks
I feel silly posting about 18 weeks right now, since technically I will be 19 weeks on Sunday, but better late than never, right? I want to do this surveu every two weeks, so hopefully I can actually stick with it! I have been extremely busy with work these last couple of weeks, but thankfully, Thanksgiving is right around the corner, so I will have time to get caught up on my sleep. Thanks again for your prayers and for being such great friends!
How Far Along: 18 Weeks
Total Weight Gain: I think I am still down 6 pounds, but I'll find out next Tuesday.
Maternity Clothes: Just maternity jeans, but I am almost to the point where I need longer shirts... guess I better go shopping :)
Sleep: I love my afternoon naps!
Best Moment of the Week: The last two weeks have gone really well and I heard Baby J's heartbeat on the doppler I have at home! Also, my friend Brittany is having a girl, and my friend Jena is having a boy, so it was fun to hear about their surprises!
Miss Anything: Nope!
Movement: No, but I am so ready for it! Maybe it will happen on Thanksgiving?
Food Cravings: I can't get enough of apples, popcorn, and rice! I have been wanting Diet Coke, too, so that has been tough!
Unusual Symptoms: Constipation... oh how I could live without this!
Anything Making you Queasy or Sick: Brushing my teeth makes me gag and dry heave.
Gender: Only God knows, but I feel like it is a boy!
Labor Signs: I sure hope not!
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: I was pretty moody this week with my college students, but I don't think it had to do with the pregnancy, but rather with their whiny behavior and poor attitudes!
Looking Forward To: We have our anatomy scan on Tuesday and I am SO excited! I am really nervous, but I am always nervous, so that doesn't surprise me. I just pray everything goes well and we don't have any complications. We aren't finding out the gender, so it is going to be hard to look away at the screen when the tech does his/her thing!
Countdown: 149 days to go!
Have a great weekend, friends!
Until next time, God bless!
How Far Along: 18 Weeks
Maternity Clothes: Just maternity jeans, but I am almost to the point where I need longer shirts... guess I better go shopping :)
Sleep: I love my afternoon naps!
Best Moment of the Week: The last two weeks have gone really well and I heard Baby J's heartbeat on the doppler I have at home! Also, my friend Brittany is having a girl, and my friend Jena is having a boy, so it was fun to hear about their surprises!
Miss Anything: Nope!
Movement: No, but I am so ready for it! Maybe it will happen on Thanksgiving?
Food Cravings: I can't get enough of apples, popcorn, and rice! I have been wanting Diet Coke, too, so that has been tough!
Unusual Symptoms: Constipation... oh how I could live without this!
Anything Making you Queasy or Sick: Brushing my teeth makes me gag and dry heave.
Gender: Only God knows, but I feel like it is a boy!
Labor Signs: I sure hope not!
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: I was pretty moody this week with my college students, but I don't think it had to do with the pregnancy, but rather with their whiny behavior and poor attitudes!
Looking Forward To: We have our anatomy scan on Tuesday and I am SO excited! I am really nervous, but I am always nervous, so that doesn't surprise me. I just pray everything goes well and we don't have any complications. We aren't finding out the gender, so it is going to be hard to look away at the screen when the tech does his/her thing!
Countdown: 149 days to go!
Have a great weekend, friends!
Until next time, God bless!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Prayers for Holly
A few weeks ago, I started following a blogger who also suffered from infertility and recurrent miscarriages. Many of the posts she writes about our topics I can totally relate to and she has a wonderful way of writing.
Right now, Holly needs all the prayers she can get. She is pregnant with 17 week old twins and her water broke yesterday. God is a Healing God and I know He is wrapping His arms around Holly, Darren, Brinly, and Jude. If you are the praying type, will you please pray for them? My heart just hurts for them, but I'm putting my faith in God and in the power of prayer!
Here is her blog: http://www.themakingofbabyben.com/
God bless!
Right now, Holly needs all the prayers she can get. She is pregnant with 17 week old twins and her water broke yesterday. God is a Healing God and I know He is wrapping His arms around Holly, Darren, Brinly, and Jude. If you are the praying type, will you please pray for them? My heart just hurts for them, but I'm putting my faith in God and in the power of prayer!
Here is her blog: http://www.themakingofbabyben.com/
God bless!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
16 Week Ultrasound Video
Here is our little jelly bean at 16 weeks! My Mom and Step-Dad were able to come with and it was such a special time; I think they really enjoyed seeing their little grandbaby! I was in awe of all of the movement, waving of its hands, kicking, and even when he/she was swallowing! I know not too many people are interested in seeing our baby, but I'm doing this for our own record <3
Monday, October 21, 2013
16 Weeks!
Hey there, strangers! I'm sorry it has been so long since I have blogged, but I guess I've been scared. I've been scared that if I blog about this pregnancy, something will happen and I will jinx it. Obviously I know God is in control and the plan is already set in place, but it still makes me so nervous. Plus, I have so many friend in real-life, and on the blogging world, who are struggling with fertility, and I feel like my posts are just slaps in the face to them, which doesn't make me feel good. I feel like I am stuck- I want to embrace this special time, yet I don't want to "brag" or seem like I don't hurt for the rest of my friends- which is why I haven't blogged much. I want to document this time, so I have decided to complete the weekly surveys I've seen everywhere online. I can't guarantee they will always happen, or that I won't change the questions, but at least it is a step in the right direction.
Please know that my heart goes out to everyone struggling with infertility. Whether you're suffering in silence, through your blog, or a mixture of both, please know that I pray for you every.single.day. I hurt alongside you and I mourn the loss you are feeling. I will never feel offended if you can't read my blog, but just know I am praying with all of my might for you and your precious heart.
How Far Along: 16 Weeks
Please know that my heart goes out to everyone struggling with infertility. Whether you're suffering in silence, through your blog, or a mixture of both, please know that I pray for you every.single.day. I hurt alongside you and I mourn the loss you are feeling. I will never feel offended if you can't read my blog, but just know I am praying with all of my might for you and your precious heart.
How Far Along: 16 Weeks
Maternity Clothes: My mom and I went shopping and she bought me a few shirts, but I'm not wearing them, yet. My jeans still fit, but the maternity jeans are so much more comfortable!
Sleep: I'm usually up about three times to go to the bathroom, which is an improvement from the first trimester!
Best Moment of the Week: Seeing our beautiful little baby on the ultrasound screen and having my parents there to witness this miracle! He/she even waved to us :)
Miss Anything: I would give up everything for this moment! Regardless, I do miss deli meat!
Movement: No, but I am so ready for it!
Food Cravings: Fettucini alfredo, tator tots, and apples
Unusual Symptoms: Heartburn! I've never had heartburn before, but during week 14, I had heartburn so bad it was unreal... I almost felt like I was having a heart attack. However, after listening to some of my friends who are experts on this, I did get it to go away.
Anything Making you Queasy or Sick: The garbage, perfume, and my toothbrush
Gender: Only God knows :)
Labor Signs: I sure hope not!
Happy or Moody Most of the Time: SO happy! I will say that I did get a little moody with my 9th graders who were being way too dramatic on Tuesday and one of them said, "So, with this pregnancy business does that mean you are going to be moody?" I guess I was moody that day!
Looking Forward To: Thinking about the nursery and hearing what my friend Brittany is having- I vote girl!
Countdown: 167 days to go!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Announcing our Pregnancy...
This is the video we posted, along with a picture announcing our pregnancy on Facebook. I was so nervous to post on Facebook because it felt like it was really "real" then (as silly as that sounds), but I decided that I want all the prayers we can get and what better way to ask for prayers than to ask on Facebook. It has been a whirlwind experience the past few days and I feel very blessed that God has given us this opportunity. I pray our baby has a special plan on this earth because he/she is SO loved already and it melts my heart! I'll write more about our appointment and such later, but I just wanted to get the video and picture out :) Thank you for the continued prayers, well-wishes, and kind thoughts regarding our pregnancy- we are beginning a whole new journey and we all need prayers. We love you guys! God bless!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
11.5 Weeks...
With all of the thoughts and emotions going through my head, you would think I would know what to write, yet I feel stuck as to what to say. I always get bummed when other bloggers haven't written because I love reading their writing, so I figured I better update and let the blogging world know that things are going well! In addition, I do want to remember this time in my life and what has been going on, so I better write something... :)
After my 9 week ultrasound, I was on an absolute high! No matter what happened in life, nothing had the ability to knock me down because I was (still am) growing a baby. At times, it really doesn't feel real, but then I'll get sick, burp up something, or get up to go to the bathroom for the thousandth time and then I remember that I am pregnant. Despite the symptoms, I cannot complain because I would throw up multiple times a day if it meant that my baby was safe from harm. One thing I never realized with pregnancy is how much you truly get up to go to the bathroom at night. Seriously, on average, I get up 3-4 times to go to the bathroom. Please don't think I am complaining, because I am not at all, but yikes, I never sleep. I did have my doctor check me for a bladder infection, but everything came back clear, so this is just part of the journey. However, one night I didn't get up to go to the bathroom at all and I was totally freaked out. Our minds really make us crazy sometimes. My poor husband said, "You were worried when you went to the bathroom too much and now you are worried that you didn't go at all... I can't keep up with you!" I think he is right- I can't keep up with myself. Nevertheless, the next night I was up a few times, so all is good!
When I first found out I was pregnant, I referred to the baby as Baby Jakubek, Baby J, or Jelly Bean (joke with my husband), but as we progress, I like to refer to it as "baby" and only baby. I don't know what it is, but it makes it feel more real, like there is a real baby inside me. I know that sounds absolutely goofy, even to me, but I don't know how else to explain it.
A week or so ago my husband sent me the most beautiful video that put me in tears within the first 15 seconds. It is about a couple who has waited for a baby and now the baby is finally here safe and sound. Although our baby isn't in our arms, yet, it gave me hope to keep fighting for it and the future. I figured I would add the music video because the words are beautiful, but if you are struggling or have a hard time with pregnancy topics, please don't put yourself through it- I completely understand! Thank you for the e-mails and comments on my blog- they mean so much to me! I'll be 12 weeks on Friday and have my next big ultrasound on Monday, so please pray that things are going well and our baby is healthy!
After my 9 week ultrasound, I was on an absolute high! No matter what happened in life, nothing had the ability to knock me down because I was (still am) growing a baby. At times, it really doesn't feel real, but then I'll get sick, burp up something, or get up to go to the bathroom for the thousandth time and then I remember that I am pregnant. Despite the symptoms, I cannot complain because I would throw up multiple times a day if it meant that my baby was safe from harm. One thing I never realized with pregnancy is how much you truly get up to go to the bathroom at night. Seriously, on average, I get up 3-4 times to go to the bathroom. Please don't think I am complaining, because I am not at all, but yikes, I never sleep. I did have my doctor check me for a bladder infection, but everything came back clear, so this is just part of the journey. However, one night I didn't get up to go to the bathroom at all and I was totally freaked out. Our minds really make us crazy sometimes. My poor husband said, "You were worried when you went to the bathroom too much and now you are worried that you didn't go at all... I can't keep up with you!" I think he is right- I can't keep up with myself. Nevertheless, the next night I was up a few times, so all is good!
When I first found out I was pregnant, I referred to the baby as Baby Jakubek, Baby J, or Jelly Bean (joke with my husband), but as we progress, I like to refer to it as "baby" and only baby. I don't know what it is, but it makes it feel more real, like there is a real baby inside me. I know that sounds absolutely goofy, even to me, but I don't know how else to explain it.
A week or so ago my husband sent me the most beautiful video that put me in tears within the first 15 seconds. It is about a couple who has waited for a baby and now the baby is finally here safe and sound. Although our baby isn't in our arms, yet, it gave me hope to keep fighting for it and the future. I figured I would add the music video because the words are beautiful, but if you are struggling or have a hard time with pregnancy topics, please don't put yourself through it- I completely understand! Thank you for the e-mails and comments on my blog- they mean so much to me! I'll be 12 weeks on Friday and have my next big ultrasound on Monday, so please pray that things are going well and our baby is healthy!
Until next time... God bless!
Monday, September 2, 2013
9 Weeks...
Well, it has been a couple of weeks since I've posted, and honestly, I'm just scared to believe that I am actually pregnant...even though my ultrasounds show I am. I think a lot of it has to deal with my past miscarriages and how they have robbed me of my innocence. I love this baby SO incredibly much, more than I ever thought I could; he/she consumes my every thought and makes me giddy when I think about our little family. I thought I was the only one, but I think it has hit Cory, too. When we were shopping at Target, I started to browse the baby section, like I always do. Normally Cory would roll his eyes and follow behind me, but on Saturday, he started looking at the strollers, picked one of them off the shelf, and said he found the perfect stroller for us. It was this little gesture that made me smile. Then today, as we were cleaning out my closet, he said, "I just know our baby is a boy and I am willing to bet on it." I think it goes to show that he is also thinking about out baby as much as I am :)
On Friday, August 30th, we had the opportunity to see our baby at the 9 week ultrasound. I was so nervous going to the clinic because I was scared that we wouldn't see anything and because I didn't feel pregnant anymore. However, my fears were eased when we saw our precious little one, saw the heartbeat, and HEARD the heartbeat! I had no idea we would be able to hear it so soon, but it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard! I wish I would have recorded it, but I guess I'll do that next time. My mom and step-dad were also able to be with us, so that was pretty special for them! The tears flooded for a long time and I didn't want to leave the clinic at all.
In all this excitement, we have had some sad news; Cory's dad passed away on August 23rd, 2013 after a 5 month battle with lung cancer. He did chemo for a few months and it all went away, but about a month ago it came back and had spread to his lymph nodes. He went into hospice on the 21st and they told us he had anywhere form 4 weeks to 4 months to live. However, after we got up there at 3:30 on Friday and were able to spend a few hours with him, he passed away peacefully. I am at a loss that he is actually gone and that he won't be here for Cory or our future child. However, I know he is in heaven watching over all of us and keeping his loved ones close. Cory spoke at his funeral and it was an incredibly powerful message and I am so proud of him. He said his dad gave him courage, which I couldn't agree more.
Well, school starts tomorrow and I have fixed feelings about it. Normally I am really excited, but I know how stressful it can be and I just don't want it to be too stressful where it can jeopardize my health. I am trying to come up with a plan where I can take 10-15 minutes out of my day to just be... take in all that God has blessed us with and listen to the sounds of stillness. I am excited for the school year, but I am also apprehensive, too.
Until next time, God bless...
Without further adieu, here are a few pictures of our baby bean!
On Friday, August 30th, we had the opportunity to see our baby at the 9 week ultrasound. I was so nervous going to the clinic because I was scared that we wouldn't see anything and because I didn't feel pregnant anymore. However, my fears were eased when we saw our precious little one, saw the heartbeat, and HEARD the heartbeat! I had no idea we would be able to hear it so soon, but it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard! I wish I would have recorded it, but I guess I'll do that next time. My mom and step-dad were also able to be with us, so that was pretty special for them! The tears flooded for a long time and I didn't want to leave the clinic at all.
In all this excitement, we have had some sad news; Cory's dad passed away on August 23rd, 2013 after a 5 month battle with lung cancer. He did chemo for a few months and it all went away, but about a month ago it came back and had spread to his lymph nodes. He went into hospice on the 21st and they told us he had anywhere form 4 weeks to 4 months to live. However, after we got up there at 3:30 on Friday and were able to spend a few hours with him, he passed away peacefully. I am at a loss that he is actually gone and that he won't be here for Cory or our future child. However, I know he is in heaven watching over all of us and keeping his loved ones close. Cory spoke at his funeral and it was an incredibly powerful message and I am so proud of him. He said his dad gave him courage, which I couldn't agree more.
Well, school starts tomorrow and I have fixed feelings about it. Normally I am really excited, but I know how stressful it can be and I just don't want it to be too stressful where it can jeopardize my health. I am trying to come up with a plan where I can take 10-15 minutes out of my day to just be... take in all that God has blessed us with and listen to the sounds of stillness. I am excited for the school year, but I am also apprehensive, too.
Until next time, God bless...
Without further adieu, here are a few pictures of our baby bean!
 |
| He/she measured 2.08 cm, and by the end of the week, he/she should be 2.25 cm or 1 inch! |
.jpg) | |
| The heartbeat was 178, so I'm predicting a girl, but honestly, I don't care what gender it is :) |
 |
| Dr. Thorn said we needed to have a circular yolk sac and he was impressed with baby bean's! Uff-dah |
Monday, August 19, 2013
God's Little Blessing
Warning: BFP is mentioned in this blog post, so if this is hard to read, please do not hesitate to move along. I have been here before and I know exactly what it feels like.
(This was written awhile ago, but I finally have the courage to post it... I feel like by posting it, I am going to jinx myself, but my readers deserve to know what is going on)
Holy batman I am pregnant! I can't believe it because I didn't think I would ever get to this point. This cycle started kind of goofy for me. I thought I would ovulate on my own because at my appointment, Dr. T. said I was going to that night, so TI was a must, but then I never got a positive on my OPK. Therefore, on Thursday the 11th, Dr. T had me come back in to check everything. He said it is possible that I was ovulating right then, so he gave me the trigger shot and told me to "get making babies!"
The entire month of July I was hopeful for a couple of reasons. Two years ago in July we got pregnant, but we miscarried, Taylor. In addition, our second angel baby, Casey, was due on the 16th of July. For these two reasons, I just prayed it would work. I don't know why, but I never let myself get down or depressed this month because after my meditations through the poem, What God Meant, I had a different perspective on our difficult journey.
On the 20th, I started having lower back pain, but I chalked it up to sleeping on it wrong and didn't think too much into it. On the 21st, I began to have major cramps, which I thought meant aunt Flo was coming. Of course I went on Google and many things said it could be implantation. Could it be? Well, on the 23rd, I took my first home pregnancy test and the double line was so faint that I had to squint to see it. Regardless, it was positive! I called the clinic and they had me come in for a blood draw. My hCG was only 12.5, meaning I had just gotten pregnant. I went in two days later, the 25th, and it was 25, so it doubled, like it needed to do. Then, I had to wait until the 31st to see if it was rising, which it was, and it was 175. The number was still low, since most people don't even know they are pregnant at this time, so I went in on the 2nd and it was 488, so it more than doubled. I had my final beta draw on the 7th and it was 3,171. When I talk to the nurses, they always tell me "Congratulations," but yet it is hard to believe it!
One thing that is tough is that regardless of the fact that I am pregnant, part of me is always looking for something to go wrong. When I go to the bathroom, I check for blood. When I eat, I pray I'll burp it up. When I touch my boobs (may be TMI for some), I pray they are sore. My previous miscarriages have completely robbed me of being able to truly enjoy this experience without being scared. They have taken over my every thought and I hate it. Regardless of the fact that these thoughts are in the back of my mind, I have hope for this pregnancy. I believe God has a special plan for our little jelly bean and I am really trying to stay positive.
I have been doing devotions for quite some time and these have really helped ease my mind. One thing I find ironic is on the day I found out I was pregnant, my devotion verse was Psalm 30:2 "O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you ave healed me!" On my second blood draw, my devotion verse was 1 Peter 5:10 "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, conform, strengthen, and establish you!" Oh, and on the day I ovulated, it was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I feel like these are little signs for God saying it will be okay!
If you are reading this and I know you in real-life, please do not share this with anyone; thank you for respecting this! As of today I am 7 weeks 3 days pregnant and our estimated due date is April 4th, 2014!
If you are still reading this, thank you. Thank you for your support and love throughout everything. I pray that God allows us to continue with this pregnancy and brings our little jelly bean home with us! God bless all of you and I will continue to pray for you and your dreams.
Baby's first picture:
Until next time... God bless
(This was written awhile ago, but I finally have the courage to post it... I feel like by posting it, I am going to jinx myself, but my readers deserve to know what is going on)
Holy batman I am pregnant! I can't believe it because I didn't think I would ever get to this point. This cycle started kind of goofy for me. I thought I would ovulate on my own because at my appointment, Dr. T. said I was going to that night, so TI was a must, but then I never got a positive on my OPK. Therefore, on Thursday the 11th, Dr. T had me come back in to check everything. He said it is possible that I was ovulating right then, so he gave me the trigger shot and told me to "get making babies!"
The entire month of July I was hopeful for a couple of reasons. Two years ago in July we got pregnant, but we miscarried, Taylor. In addition, our second angel baby, Casey, was due on the 16th of July. For these two reasons, I just prayed it would work. I don't know why, but I never let myself get down or depressed this month because after my meditations through the poem, What God Meant, I had a different perspective on our difficult journey.
On the 20th, I started having lower back pain, but I chalked it up to sleeping on it wrong and didn't think too much into it. On the 21st, I began to have major cramps, which I thought meant aunt Flo was coming. Of course I went on Google and many things said it could be implantation. Could it be? Well, on the 23rd, I took my first home pregnancy test and the double line was so faint that I had to squint to see it. Regardless, it was positive! I called the clinic and they had me come in for a blood draw. My hCG was only 12.5, meaning I had just gotten pregnant. I went in two days later, the 25th, and it was 25, so it doubled, like it needed to do. Then, I had to wait until the 31st to see if it was rising, which it was, and it was 175. The number was still low, since most people don't even know they are pregnant at this time, so I went in on the 2nd and it was 488, so it more than doubled. I had my final beta draw on the 7th and it was 3,171. When I talk to the nurses, they always tell me "Congratulations," but yet it is hard to believe it!
One thing that is tough is that regardless of the fact that I am pregnant, part of me is always looking for something to go wrong. When I go to the bathroom, I check for blood. When I eat, I pray I'll burp it up. When I touch my boobs (may be TMI for some), I pray they are sore. My previous miscarriages have completely robbed me of being able to truly enjoy this experience without being scared. They have taken over my every thought and I hate it. Regardless of the fact that these thoughts are in the back of my mind, I have hope for this pregnancy. I believe God has a special plan for our little jelly bean and I am really trying to stay positive.
I have been doing devotions for quite some time and these have really helped ease my mind. One thing I find ironic is on the day I found out I was pregnant, my devotion verse was Psalm 30:2 "O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you ave healed me!" On my second blood draw, my devotion verse was 1 Peter 5:10 "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, conform, strengthen, and establish you!" Oh, and on the day I ovulated, it was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I feel like these are little signs for God saying it will be okay!
If you are reading this and I know you in real-life, please do not share this with anyone; thank you for respecting this! As of today I am 7 weeks 3 days pregnant and our estimated due date is April 4th, 2014!
If you are still reading this, thank you. Thank you for your support and love throughout everything. I pray that God allows us to continue with this pregnancy and brings our little jelly bean home with us! God bless all of you and I will continue to pray for you and your dreams.
Baby's first picture:
Until next time... God bless
Monday, July 29, 2013
Breaking it Down Part Four...
Well, I've reached the last part of the poem, What God Meant, and I think it is one that I struggle with the most, but yet one that makes me the most excited. These are the words to the last part:
I know God has this super special plan for me, and although I feel blessed that He has this plan for a select group of us, it is still hard to believe at times. I truly believe that God knows how badly we long for a baby to hold in our arms, a toddler to play at the park with, a preschooler to teach the alphabet to, a school-aged child to help at night with his/her homework, a teenager to disagree with, and a college student to help pave his/her way. Obviously this is only a teeny glimpse of what parenting is like, but I know God knows how badly we want to be parents to a child on earth. Since we (infertiles) have had to overcome so many obstacles to even get pregnant and become mommies, it is inevitable that no other fertile woman will ever be able to feel that sheer happiness and joy that we know we will have. Is it bad to say that? Maybe. However, no one can judge unless they have been in our shoes and know the pain and heartache we have gone through.
I truly cannot wait until the day our baby is placed in our arms whether it is through our own birth, surrogacy, or adoption. I know God wants me to have a baby and be a mother, but His plans and timing are just a little different than my own. My mom always says that I will be a mother to a baby on earth and I will have a child, and even though it is hard to always believe that, I do know that moms are always right :) I sure hope I get that "always right" gene whenever I have a child.
This poem is one that has truly helped me throughout my journey. Even though my journey is nowhere near being over, it is nice to look at this when I need comfort when I am feeling lost or sad. Thank you to the author of this poem because this poem has not only helped me, but many others, too.
And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
Until next time... God bless!
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God singled me out for special treatment.
I
think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so
deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the
longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While
I would never have chosen infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile
woman could ever experience the joy that I know awaits me.
Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own.I know God has this super special plan for me, and although I feel blessed that He has this plan for a select group of us, it is still hard to believe at times. I truly believe that God knows how badly we long for a baby to hold in our arms, a toddler to play at the park with, a preschooler to teach the alphabet to, a school-aged child to help at night with his/her homework, a teenager to disagree with, and a college student to help pave his/her way. Obviously this is only a teeny glimpse of what parenting is like, but I know God knows how badly we want to be parents to a child on earth. Since we (infertiles) have had to overcome so many obstacles to even get pregnant and become mommies, it is inevitable that no other fertile woman will ever be able to feel that sheer happiness and joy that we know we will have. Is it bad to say that? Maybe. However, no one can judge unless they have been in our shoes and know the pain and heartache we have gone through.
I truly cannot wait until the day our baby is placed in our arms whether it is through our own birth, surrogacy, or adoption. I know God wants me to have a baby and be a mother, but His plans and timing are just a little different than my own. My mom always says that I will be a mother to a baby on earth and I will have a child, and even though it is hard to always believe that, I do know that moms are always right :) I sure hope I get that "always right" gene whenever I have a child.
This poem is one that has truly helped me throughout my journey. Even though my journey is nowhere near being over, it is nice to look at this when I need comfort when I am feeling lost or sad. Thank you to the author of this poem because this poem has not only helped me, but many others, too.
And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice, I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when He handed me infertility. I already know."
Until next time... God bless!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Breaking it Down Part Three...
As I think about the next part of the poem, What God Meant, I can't help but think these statements are true for so many things in life and not just the journey I am on.
I've been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I'm a better person for it.
Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.
As I think about this, there are many times I have had to take a different path in life or have been stuck in the middle of the road, without any clue as to which direction to go. It was during those times that I had to put complete trust in God and the plan He had for me. God has given me this challenge, or fork in the road, because He knows I am strong enough for it and He knows I will become a better person because of it. What would life be like without any forks in the road or challenges? Wouldn't it be boring? Sure, it may be less painful, but it is through our pain that we learn who we really are and who is there for us no matter what.
I have always referred to our situation as a journey and it is through this journey, that we have had to make tough decisions, go through hard situations, and pave our own path, for the hope that someday we will have our little one in our arms. God did not mean that I won't have children, but He did mean that I would have to struggle a little more for it to happen. God meant that my children will just take a little longer to get here, but they will be just as loved, if not more, than they ever would have been.
So, whenever I am struggling or wondering "why" this had to happen, I just have to remind myself that God has a better plan to make me an even better person and mommy and I will not let Him down because He is the ultimate, our Savior, and the one who died for our sins to be forgiven. Although His journey may be different than the one I had planned, ultimately, He knows what is best for me.
Until next time, God bless!
No, God never meant for me to not have children.
That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.
Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let Him down.
As I think about this, there are many times I have had to take a different path in life or have been stuck in the middle of the road, without any clue as to which direction to go. It was during those times that I had to put complete trust in God and the plan He had for me. God has given me this challenge, or fork in the road, because He knows I am strong enough for it and He knows I will become a better person because of it. What would life be like without any forks in the road or challenges? Wouldn't it be boring? Sure, it may be less painful, but it is through our pain that we learn who we really are and who is there for us no matter what.
I have always referred to our situation as a journey and it is through this journey, that we have had to make tough decisions, go through hard situations, and pave our own path, for the hope that someday we will have our little one in our arms. God did not mean that I won't have children, but He did mean that I would have to struggle a little more for it to happen. God meant that my children will just take a little longer to get here, but they will be just as loved, if not more, than they ever would have been.
So, whenever I am struggling or wondering "why" this had to happen, I just have to remind myself that God has a better plan to make me an even better person and mommy and I will not let Him down because He is the ultimate, our Savior, and the one who died for our sins to be forgiven. Although His journey may be different than the one I had planned, ultimately, He knows what is best for me.
Until next time, God bless!
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